When we receive the news that someone we love is facing impending death, our immediate reaction is no doubt shock and denial. This is the mind's way of cushioning us against the immensity of the meaning of what we have heard, and allowing us to absorb it a little at a time, as we are able. As the shock wears off, the implications sicken us, leave us reeling and grasping for hope. We may pray, offering ourselves in order to spare the loved one, or begin a round of second, third or fourth opinions, desperately searching for a reprieve.

    Sometimes people remain in this state of bargaining and denial until the inevitable death occurs, hitting them with all the force of an unanticipated loss. Other times loved ones are able to work through the various stages of grief and reach a tentative acceptance, allowing them the opportunity to share the death experience with their loved one more intimately.

    Those who have received the prognosis of impending death react as differently as their loved ones do. Some prefer to feel they are keeping death at bay by continuing to talk in terms of recovery, or avoiding the mention of their own health at all. A surprising number, however, including children, welcome someone to talk to who will not deflect their tentative approach to talking about their own mortality.

    Many terminally ill adults and children suffer from a sense of isolation; they know that their lives are coming to a close, and yet any inference to that effect in their conversation is either ignored or met with encouragement to think positively, to remember that Christmas is coming and "you have to be here!" or a reminder that new treatments are developed all the time. We as family members and friends almost automatically fall back on such trivia, because listening to someone talk about their own death is both unsettling and painful.

    However, to intentionally set aside our own discomfort and allow the dying person to lead the conversation is a gift of inestimable value. We have no answers, no words of wisdom, but these are not required. Having been able to accept the inevitability of death ourselves, we can be an empathetic and loving sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, and a reflective presence to enable the loved one to discover his or her own answers to the deep questions that come at a time like this.

    When death occurs, the almost universal reaction is, "I wasn't ready." No matter how much anticipatory grief we have been able to process, death still comes as a shock. But those who have been able to prepare, particularly if they have had a chance to walk a bit of the last part of the road with the dying loved one, will have given and received a precious gift.

    当我们得知我们所喜爱的人将要不久于人世时，毫无疑问，我们突然感到无比的震惊并无法接受。这是我们的心理对于所听噩耗所做的缓冲，好让我们在承受能力之内一点一点地接受这个事实。震惊过后，这消息使我们忧虑，使我们更渴望抓住最后的机会。我们会祈祷，希望更多的奉献自己来宽恕我们爱慕的人，或者开始一轮接二连三的舆论，绝望地寻找着可以让他们解脱，生还的理由。

    大多时候，人们都是这么一种状态，当无可避免的死亡噩耗来临，带着无法预知的失去之痛，人们只是一味的抱怨，不肯接受。然而另一方面，那些我们爱戴的即将离世的人们却可以挺过所有的悲痛，并且能够暂时地接收这个事实，这样，他们便有机会与他们所爱的人更亲密地度过这死亡难关。

    而那些得知死亡即将来临的人却与那些他们所爱的人的表现迥异。有些人不住地谈论他们的康复或者避免谈及有关他们健康的话题，以此来阻止死亡的靠近。然而绝大多数人，包括孩子们，都很愿意和那些不排斥自己的人谈论他们各自的命运。

    很多病症晚期的大人还有孩子都有着一种孤立感，他们很清楚自己的生命即将走到尽头，然而任何谈及任何有关死亡的话题时，要么是被他们忽视了，要么是被他们化作一种乐观的动力，以此，使他们要记得圣诞节就要到了，"你必须活下去！"抑或提醒他们新的医疗办法永远都在进步。我们作为他们的家人或者朋友总是要自觉的依靠这些琐碎小事来慰藉，因为，毕竟听人谈论他们的死亡总会令人不安，悲痛。

    然而，有意地放下我们自己的不快，让那些即将离世的人们来掌握谈话内容也是万分可贵的。对于智慧，我们没有过多的答案，没有什么想法，但这些是不需要的。去接受那无可避免的死亡，我们自己，可以是一个用来转移情感充满爱的广阔的甲板，可以是用来哭诉的肩膀，也可以默默无声，让他们知道我们就在身边，让我们所爱的人自己去找到死亡来临时那些深奥问题的答案。

    当死亡迫近，几乎所有人的反应都是，"我还不想死。"不论我们提前做好了多么痛苦的思想准备，死亡来临仍然是令人震惊的。但是那些有所准备的人，尤其是倘若他们会曾有机会与自己将要离世的爱人体验了生命之路的最后一段，这样的人，将会同时给与他人并自己得到一份珍贵的礼物。