Every relationship experiences some conflict. Some experience more than others, some are playful, and some are hateful. Then there are those that are never ending patterns of conflict that seem impossible to break.

If you do want to stop the cycle of conflict, consider these 10 steps to bring harmony back to your relationship. Note that this doesn't only apply to parent and girlfriends, these can apply to work conflicts as well.

1.Cool Down Time. If you've found yourself in a heated argument, the best thing you can do is walk away for a little while. Blow off some steam with a walk or by talking things out with a clear headed friend. If you just need some rest, take a nap or a meditation nap.

Before going separate ways, take a deep breath and agree to discuss the issue later. The whole goal of separating should be to come back together with a better ability to work things out.

2.Mutual Respect. No matter how divided you are in your positions, always remember the humanity of the other person. Keep in mind their weaknesses and frailties. Think about the respect you want and then give it unconditionally to the other person. Be kind even if you are angry. If that makes you cry instead of screaming, you'll probably find that yourself getting closer to the true root of the issue. When you get to the root, you can start solving things.

3.Start with Yourself. Ask yourself what part of the argument is your responsibility. How did you contribute to this argument? What can you do to resolve it? Do you need to apologize? Do you know how? This video taught me the 3 steps to a proper apology:

I'm sorry.
It was my fault.
How can I make it right again?

4.What's It All About?From your perspective, what is the argument really about? What would the other person say the argument is about? What common goals do you both share that could be used as a vehicle to reach a resolution?

5.Needs vs. Wants. Figure out what it is that you want. Then ask yourself, "what do I really need?" Go for what you need and be flexible on your wants. A need is something you can't live without and a want is more of a preference. A resolution doesn't mean you get everything you want, but hopefully you get everything that you need. If you can't get what you need then you may need to re-evaluate the relationship.

6.Compassion and Empathy. How is the other person feeling? How would it feel to be in their shoes? Be honest. What are their fears behind the anger? Focus on the good qualities in the other person and consider what their goals are.

7.Wisdom and Strengths. What are the best qualities of this person? What wisdom do they possess? Everyone is smart about something. How can you tap into that wisdom to help you move forward out of conflict? What can you learn from your partner?

8.Better to Be Happy than to Be Right. Conflict can be hurtful and damaging to a relationship when allowed to run wild. Take a step back to view the big picture. What do you really want? What is your goal?At the end of your life, how will you view this argument? What will you wish you did? How can you emerge from this conflict and return to a light and peaceful state?

9.Mutual Caring. What good things do you want for your partner? How can you help that person get what they need while you get what you need, either actively or by taking a step back?

10.Good Times Together. Often we can get into a pattern of conflict with partners and friends when we are not finding time to share fun together. So once the immediate conflict is resolved or at least semi-resolved, take some action that will have long-term benefits. Schedule in fun time together on a regular basis. A good place to start is once a week. Designate this time to be "Fun Time Only" together. No discussion of trigger topics, just fun. Enjoy!

How do you resolve conflicts? What's the best way you know to maintain harmony in a relationship? We look forward to hearing from you!

每种人际关系都会遇到一些摩擦和矛盾。某些人遇到的比别人更多一些。有些是开玩笑式的，有些是令人讨厌的。但是也有一些是永无休止似乎不能解开的矛盾类型。

如果你想要结束这种循环冲突，不妨考虑一下将你的人际关系带回到融洽和谐的这10个步骤。注意，这不仅适用于你的双亲和女友，它们也可能适用于处理工作矛盾。

1、冷静一段时间。如果你发现自己处于激烈的争辩之中，你最该做的事情就是离开一会儿，通过散步或者找一个头脑清醒的朋友谈谈心，让头脑冷静下来。如果你正好需要稍事休息，就打个小盹儿或者瞑思一会儿。

在离开之前深深呼吸一下，并且表示同意稍后再讨论这个话题。你的离开完全是为了回来后能够更好地把问题解决。

2、互相尊重。不管你处于什么位置，都要始终记得别人的好处，将他们的弱点和短处压在心底。想一想你所希望得到的尊重，然后将其无条件地施予他人。即使很生气也要表示出亲切。如果情况使你从嘶叫转为哭泣，你可能会发现自己越来越接近问题的根源。在你找根源时，你才能够开始解决问题。

3、先从自己身上找原因。问一下自己，争论中的哪一部分是你的责任。你是如何促成这场争论的？你能为解决这场争论做些什么？你需要道歉吗？你知道怎么道歉吗？这个影像片教给了我正确道歉的 3 步：

对不起。
是我的错。
我怎么能再次把它做对呢？

4、都是为什么呢？从你看来，这场争论究竟是因为什么？别人会认为这场争论是因为什么呢？你们双方的哪些共同点可以用来作为达到解决问题的契机呢。

5、需要的和想要的。明确什么是你想要的东西。然后问自己，“什么是我真正需要的东西？” 追求你所需要的东西，而灵活取舍你想要的东西。需要的东西是指没有它就难以生活的一些东西，而想要的东西大多是个人偏好的东西。问题的解决并不意味你得到了你想要的每样东西，但是可以指望你得到了你需要的每样东西。如果你不能得到你需要的东西，那就可能要重新评价一下这种人际关系了。

6、同情和换位思考。考虑一下别人的感受怎样？站在别人的位置上会是怎样的感觉？要说老实话。他们掩藏在愤怒背后的恐惧究竟是什么呢？着眼别人好的地方，并且考虑什么是他们的目的？

7、智慧和力量。这个人的最好的品质是什么？他们拥有什么样的智慧？每个人都有他所擅长的方面。怎样才可能吸取这些智慧帮助你们走向矛盾的解决？你可以从你的伙伴身上学到些什么？

8、快乐比做对更好。矛盾如果任其发展下去，会对人际关系造成损害和破坏。让我们大体回顾一下吧：你真正想要的是什么？你的目的是什么？在生命的最后你会怎样看待这场争论？你希望你当时做些什么？你是怎样摆脱这场争论并且回归到开朗、平和的状态的？

9、相互关心。你希望给你的双亲一些什么好东西？你怎样才能帮助那人得到他们需要的东西同时你也得到你所需要的东西，无论是积极地或者采取点回顾？

10、共度美好时光。当我们很少找到时间和朋友伙伴们共享欢乐时，我们可能经常和他们陷入矛盾状态。所以，在一场矛盾解决或者至少是半解决时采取点行动，将是长久受益的。要安排定期的共同欢乐时间。每周一次是不错的开始。指定这个时间大家一起“只许娱乐”，不讨论严肃的题目，只是欢乐、享受！

你是怎样解决矛盾的？你所知道的保持人际关系融洽和睦的最好方法是什么？期待听听你的高招！