When a perfectionist has a baby, things can fall apart very quickly.
As an editor here at the Journal I could skillfully edit a complex finance story, calm a testy reporter, put out a graphics fire and give an intern advice, all at the same time, and all while maintaining my composure. So when my husband and I found out we were expecting a baby, I thought, compared to my work life, how hard could it be to keep a tiny human fed, warm and clean?
As it turned out, some of the personality traits that made me good at my job were also psychological risk factors for postpartum depression, or PPD. I was a classic Type-A, perfectionist control freak. Great for editing, not so great for childrearing.
Soon after my daughter was born last fall I fell into a PPD. I was lucky to have a terrific husband and obstetrician who recognized it right away (my bursting into tears as soon as my doctor walked into the exam room was one clue), even when I insisted it was just baby blues and lack of sleep that was causing my mood swings and lack of interest in anything except caring for the baby.
At work I'm known as the 'den mother' (although I prefer the less matronly-seeming 'cruise director') because I'm always planning social gatherings and taking care of the new hires and interns. But after we brought the baby home I felt something in me change. I didn't come to the phone or invite friends and family over to see the baby. Almost like clockwork, every night at 9 p.m. the day would overwhelm me and I'd have to go and have a good cry. With medication and therapy I started feeling better after a few months. And then I began to plan for my return to work.
Working Mother magazine last year published an article about working moms and depression. It reported that one in five women in the workplace will experience depression in her lifetime, according to Mental Health America. And about 15% of new mothers succumb to PPD, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Often moms who are well on the mend will have a relapse upon returning to work, or a 'post-postpartum depression.' And sometimes a PPD won't even surface until her return to work.
The idea of going back to work and juggling a career, baby, friends, family, and on top of that a health concern, became a deep source of stress for me. For one, I couldn't imagine being away from my daughter, who was eight months old when I returned to work, for hours at a time.
I also struggled with what and how much to tell my co-workers and managers about my PPD. I worried that if I said too much I'd seem unprofessional, like I was blubbering about my personal problems, and it might open the door to questions about how I would be able to handle my job. PPD is widely misunderstood and I didn't want my cube neighbors to be worried that I was going to break down on the job, throwing myself out of the window shouting 'Pacifier! Where's the pacifier! Aaaaaaaaack!' Also, I didn't want my managers to go light on me because they were worried that I'd crack.
So far, well up until this is published anyway, I've only told a few people at work about my PPD. Most of my co-workers were very sympathetic and supportive, although some seemed uncomfortable and quickly changed the subject. I've been back at work for a couple of months now and am really enjoying the business of journalism again and engaging in professional life. After this life-changing event I feel like I'm even better than I was before I had the PPD, both at work and at home.
Readers, have you struggled with postpartum depression or other mental-health issues at work? How did you handle it? Were you open with your co-workers and superiors, or did you keep it to yourself? How have your colleagues reacted?
当一个完美主义者有了孩子以后,生活可能很快就面目全非。
作为《华尔街日报》的一名编辑,我可以熟练地编辑一篇复杂的金融稿件、安抚暴躁的记者、处理紧急的图表、给实习生提供建议,所有这些都是同时进行,在此过程中还始终保持冷静。因此,当丈夫和我发现我们要有孩子了,我想,跟工作比起来,保证一个小人儿吃饱穿暖、干干净净能有多难啊?
结果,让我在工作中表现出色的一些个性却成为了产后抑郁症的心理风险因素。我是典型的A型血人,完美主义的控制狂。擅长编辑工作,但对于养孩子就不是那么得心应手。
去年秋季我女儿出生之后不久,我就陷入了产后抑郁。幸运的是我有个好丈夫和了不起的产科医生,他们马上就察觉了(我的医生一走进检查室我就哭就是产后抑郁的迹象),虽然我坚持说那只是因为轻微的忧郁和缺少睡眠令我的情绪出现起伏以及除了照顾孩子之外对其他事情都漠不关心。
我在工作中有个外号"童子军女训导",因为我总是在策划社交活动,关照新人和实习生(不过我更喜欢"邮轮主任"这个听起来不那么威严的外号).但当我们把小孩带回家之后,我觉得自己发生了一些变化。我不再打电话或邀请朋友和家人来看我的孩子。几乎像时钟一样,每天晚上9点钟的时候,我就会感受到巨大的压力,不得不离开大哭一场。在药物和治疗的帮助下,几个月后我开始觉得好一点了。接下去我开始计划回去工作的事情。
《职业母亲》(Working Mother)杂志去年刊登了一篇关于职业母亲和抑郁的文章。据报导,美国心理卫生协会(Mental Health America)的资料显示,美国每5个职业女性中就有1人会经历抑郁。据美国精神病疾病联盟(National Alliance on Mental Illness)表示,大约有15%初为人母的女性会遭遇产后抑郁。状况好转的妈妈们在返回工作时通常会出现病状复发,或是"产后抑郁症后症状".有些时候,妈妈们直到返回工作时才出现产后抑郁症的症状。
一想到回去上班,要整天纠缠于事业、婴儿、朋友、家人之间,此外还有健康问题,我就感受到沉重的压力。其中一个烦恼是,我无法想像自己要和女儿一次分开数小时的情景,当我回去上班的时候,她才8个月大。
令我感到纠结的还有产后抑郁症问题,我不知道该向我的同事和上司怎么说起这事,又应该告诉他们多少。我担心,如果我说的太多,我可能就会显得不职业,好像我在哭诉我的个人问题一样,这可能会引发关于我是否能干好工作的质疑。而且,社会对产后抑郁症有着普遍的误解,我可不想坐在我旁边的同事担心我会在工作的时候崩溃,一边喊着"镇静剂在哪儿?",一边跳楼自杀。此外,我也不想上司因为担心我会崩溃而对我特别照顾。
目前为止,在这篇文章刊登之前,我只对几个人说起过我的产后抑郁症。大多数同事都非常同情和支持我,只是一些人会觉得不舒服,会迅速改变话题。现在我回公司上班已经有几个月了,我真的很享受再次从事新闻职业,回到我的职业生活当中。在经历过这一改变人生的事件之后,我觉得自己甚至比患上产后抑郁症之前更加快乐,工作和家庭生活都是如此。
读者们,你们是否经历过产后抑郁或是在工作上遭遇其他心理问题?你们又是怎么处理的?你们是否向同事和上司坦承此事,或是郁结于心?你们的同事又有什么反应?