"People's complex attitudes toward money often defy economic theory." - Drazen Prelec, associate professor of marketing at the Sloan School of Management

    There was a time not so very long ago that I didn't pay much attention to where my money went. I always paid more than the minimum on my credit card, but I still wasn't making significant progress in debt reduction.

    For many people, it simply isn't enough to have a tactical plan to pay off debt. We know we should spend less than we earn, but as Drazen Prelec noted in the quote above, people have complex attitudes toward money. When emotion and logic are at odds, emotion usually wins.

    In retrospect, there are five phases I went through to change my relationship with money. Note that my process wasn't this linear. In fact it was quite messy, sometimes moving two steps forward and one step back.

    Riding the roller coaster

    Spending gave me a temporary high. New clothes made me feel new. I felt I deserved a pedicure and a massage. Picking up the tab for a friend made me feel great. I could justify almost any expenditure, any impulse buy, and all of it went on the credit card. It was like spending Monopoly money, until the end of the month when the credit card bill arrived. My stomach dropped as I looked at the balance, added the expenditures in my head, and realized that yes, it was correct. The bank didn't make a mistake. I bought that Stuff.

    I'd swear to myself to do better next month, and satisfied with that vague goal, put the whole thing out of my mind.

    Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

    Recognizing and accepting myself

    The thing of it was that I fully understood the implications of credit card debt. I saw how living paycheck-to-paycheck imprisoned me and limited my options. I was tired of feeling guilty after every purchase. I couldn't stand that I was unable to save for travel because that money needed to go toward debt （so I wasn't saving it all）.

    Logically, I got it. Emotionally, I felt a mess.

    I started thinking about why I felt the urge to spend. Was I bored? Restless? Anxious?

    When I was in college just a few years earlier, I was somewhat depressed. I'd been to too many funerals, I was in a bad relationship, and I'd gained weight. Shopping was a high. Shopping was a hobby and a way to reinvent myself （or so I felt）.

    But that was years ago. I was now in a wonderful relationship with my now-husband, and I had every reason in the world to be happy. If nothing else, I had the basics - food, shelter, and family. I started to focus on the positive things in my life, and I realized that I hadn't been paying attention to them before. So why was I stuck in a bad pattern if life was good? What was I trying to prove, and to whom?

    My self-perception was so off the mark that although I had lost the weight I'd gained and then some, I would regularly try on clothes that were two sizes too big, much to the bewilderment of the salesperson.

    I wasn't seeing myself as I was or as loved ones or even strangers saw me. I began to notice where I was being hard on myself, and I decided to try to be okay with where I was right now. Not a Calvin Klein dress from now, not five pounds from now, just now. Being a perfectionist was just too exhausting.

    Finding flow

    I was starting to see myself more clearly, but I wasn't sure where to go from there. I knew I was sick of the roller coaster, of too much Stuff cluttering my life, of paying for the past （plus interest）. But if I didn't want what the marketers told me I should want, then what?

    "I flipped through catalogs and wondered: What kind of dining set defines me as a person?" - Fight Club

    What made me happy? Seems like a simple question, but to find the real answer, you have to block out a barrage of ad campaigns, expectations from family members and peers, and the desire to keep up with the Joneses.

    My list of things that make me happy looks like this:

    · Cooking with my husband

    · Time spent with family and friends （playing games, telling stories, etc.）

    · Photography

    · Time spent outdoors - backpacking, kayaking, swimming

    · Yoga

    · Travel and new experiences （learning）

    When engaged in many of these activities, I find "flow," a term coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in the 1970s. Flow occurs when you are so engrossed in an activity that you forget about your worries and lose track of time. For example, normally my mom can't stay awake past 9 p.m., but when she is sewing, she can stay up until the wee hours of the morning.

    I didn't know about flow or Csikszentmihalyi at the time, but I think people are instinctively drawn to activities that get them in the zone. There are countless pastimes that could give someone flow - running, surfing, singing, playing piano, hiking, writing. According to Csikszentmihalyi, a life of many activities in flow is likely to be a life of great satisfaction.

    My goal was （and still is） to spend as much time as possible in activities that give me flow, especially the ones that don't require much money!

    First steps

    This introspection was all well and good and necessary, but the debt wasn't going to just disappear because I was feeling like Buddha on the Mountaintop now. I still had to take tactical steps to kill the debt, but those steps aren't anything you haven't heard before. To begin, I stopped accumulating Stuff and started to track my spending.

    I also purged relentlessly - but not all at once. Over the course of a year, I donated, consigned, or gave away Stuff about eight times, slowly weaning myself from things I never used, realizing it was okay to let go.

    I put off purchases and considered the reasons I wanted whatever it was that I wanted.

    · Was I trying to prove something?

    · Was there a real need?

    · How often would I use or wear it?

    · Did I already own something similar?

    Then I'd think about my goals. Did I want a new pair of shoes, or did I want that money to go toward a trip to Italy more? It's helpful to use visual reminders of your goals. Find images that represent your ambitions and keep them in your purse or wallet. A lifelong Italianophile, I kept a photo of Cinque Terre on my desktop.

    The visual reminders are helpful because you are more likely to make a lasting change if you focus on the positive benefit to the new course of action （extra money in my travel fund）, rather than focusing on what may seem to be a sacrifice （not buying the shoes I think I need this very moment or I'll just die）.

    If you still can't decide, write down the Very Important Thing, along with where you saw it and the price. Tell yourself you can always come back and purchase it later because you've written down all of the information. Give it a day （or three） and see how you feel.

    Many times, the intense desire to buy the Very Important Thing will dissipate. If not, maybe it's a worthwhile purchase. Only you can decide what is most meaningful to you.

    Freedom

    I still feel the urge to buy on impulse. Maybe it's on sale, maybe I think there won't be any later, or maybe I've just convinced myself that it's a super smart purchase. Awful, isn't it? After all of that work shouldn't I be free from mindless spending? Had I not changed at all?

    What changed was my self-awareness. Now I'm able to feel the craving, acknowledge that it's there, and let mindfulness intervene before I act. Therein lies the freedom. I am no longer reacting on impulse; I am mindfully choosing my actions. I choose yes or no based on my goals. That freedom is a better high than anything I could have bought in a store.

    What about you? If you struggle with mindless spending, do you know why? Have you overcome it （and if so, how）? Do you have activities that give you flow?

    J.D.'s note: I personally found this piece very powerful. I could identify with a lot of April's emotions and thought processes. "Being a perfectionist was just too exhausting," she writes, and I think that I could have written that myself!

    "人们对待金钱的复杂态度常常会令经济理论落空。"-Drazen Prelec,斯隆管理学院营销系的副教授如是说。

    不久以前的某个时候，我并没怎么注意钱花到哪儿去了。那时，我常常要在信用卡上还比最低限额还多的款，然而我仍然没有在如何减轻负债这个问题上取得很大的进展。

    对很多人来说，他们只是没有一个好的方法来偿还债务。我们都知道花的钱不应该超过赚的钱，但是就像Drazen Prelec指出的那样。人们对于金钱的态度相当复杂。当情感和逻辑有差异的时候，情感部分往往会占上风。

    回想过去，我在转变自己和金钱关系这方面曾经经历了五个阶段。请注意我经历的这个过程并非那么清楚明了，事实上，这个过程相当混乱，有时候前进两步，有时候又退后一步。

    过山车式的生活

    花钱给了我短暂的兴奋感。新衣服也会让我感觉新鲜。我感觉自己该去修个脚，按摩按摩，放松一下。替朋友付账让我感觉棒极了。我可以为我几乎所有的消费，包括任何一次冲动消费找到正当理由，而这些统统都记在我的信用卡上。这就像在花垄断资金一样，直到月底信用卡账单来到的时候。我看账单结余的时候心里咯噔了一下，心算了一下我的花费，然后意识到，这个数额确实是对的。银行没有弄错。我确实买了那些东西。

    我对自己发誓下个月我会做好一点，并对这个模糊的目标感到满意，接着就把它抛到九霄云外去了。

    重复、重复、重复。

    认识并且接受自己

    事实是，我开始完全了解那些信用卡债务的含义了。我亲眼看着自己被一个个账单捆绑，不得选择。我对自己每次买东西后的那种愧疚感感到厌倦了。我无法忍受自己没法为旅行费用存到足够的钱，因为那些钱都会变成债务（因此我根本就不存钱。）

    从逻辑上看，我达到了目的。但从感情上讲，我觉得一团糟。

    我开始思考自己总想花钱的真正原因。无聊？无休止？还是焦虑？

    前几年还在大学的时候，我不知怎么的觉得很沮丧。我参加了太多葬礼，恋爱也谈得很糟糕，另外我还在长胖。购物是个让人兴奋的事情，血拼是一种嗜好，同时也是从新改造自己的一种方式（或者我是这么觉得的）.

    不过那已经是好几年前的事了，如今我和现在的丈夫特别恩爱，我理应感到幸福。如果不算其他的，我也有最基本的-食物、住处和家庭。我开始专注在生活中积极的那些事情上，我也意识到，从前我并没有怎么注意这些事情。既然我的生活如此美好，为什么我还陷在这种糟糕的模式里出不来呢？我是想证明什么吗？给谁证明呢？

    虽然我已经减了重，可是我的自我感受还是那么不对劲儿。有时候，我还定期穿些比我的身材大两个尺码的衣服，这一点让卖衣服的人也摸不着头脑。

    我并没有像从前一样看待自己，或者我并没有把自己看作别人喜欢的人，甚至没有像陌生人看我一样看待自己。我开始注意到：我在什么地方对自己很苛刻。因此我下定决心试着去适应我现在的样子。不再是穿上Calvin klein之后怎么样，也不是花五英镑以后怎么样，而是就在现在。完美主义太折磨人了。

    寻找流动中的自我

    我开始更清楚地看自己了，不过我还不确定从那儿要去哪里。我知道我已经受够了过山车式的生活；受够了各种物品塞满我的生活；也受够了为自己过去的所作所为支付账单（还有利息）.不过，如果我不想要营销人员告诉我什么才是我应该得到的话，那我该怎么办呢？

    我在目录之间跳转查阅，心想，吃什么才能让我感觉像个人呢？--Fight Club

    什么能让我感到快乐？听起来似乎是个很简单的问题，不过要找到真正的答案，你就必须躲开广告的狂轰乱炸；放下家人和同伴对你的期待；以及总想和邻居比个高下的心理。

    让我感到快乐的事好像有这几个：

    1. 和老公一起做饭

    2. 和朋友、家人在一起（玩游戏，讲故事等等。）

    3. 拍照

    4. 户外活动-背包旅行、皮划艇、游泳

    5. 做瑜伽

    6. 旅行、经历不同体验（学习）

    当我参与很多这样那样的活动的时候，我发现了流动的自己。"流动"一词是由心理学家Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi在上世纪七十年代发明的。当你聚精会神地投入到一项活动中的时候，你忘记了烦恼，忘记了时间，这个时候"流动的你"就出现了。打个比方，通常我妈过了晚上九点就昏昏欲睡了，可当她做针线活的时候，她可以一直做到凌晨几点。

    我那时并不知道流动这个词，也不知道Csikszentmihalyi,但我想人们都本能地被他们感兴趣的活动所吸引。生活中有无数数不清的娱乐可以看到流动-跑步、冲浪、唱歌、弹钢琴、慢步、写作。对于Csikszentmihalyi来说，一个有着许多流动着的活动的生活将是一个让人拥有巨大满足感的人生。

    我的目标（现在仍然是）是尽可能多的花时间参加让我感到流动的活动，特别是那些不怎么花钱的活动。

    迈出第一步

    自我反省很好，而且也很必要，我自我感觉像是山顶上的佛陀，但是债务不会因此而消失。我仍然需要采取必要的措施来遏制债务的侵袭，只不过你可能从来没听说过以下这些步骤。为了迈出第一步，我停止了购物，开始注意我的消费情况了。

    我还开始毫不犹豫地清理掉我的东西，不过不是一次性。整整一年，我捐赠衣物、托人代售、甚至把东西送给别人，送了八次。慢慢地，我把自己从来不用东西都处理掉了，我发觉送走这些物品之后感觉还不错。

    我延迟了购物，开始考虑各种我为什么想要这个东西的理由。

    1. 是想证明什么吗？

    2. 真的需要吗？

    3. 我多久会用一次，穿一次？

    4. 是否已经有了跟这个类似的物品了？

    接下来我想了想自己的目标。我是否需要一双新鞋，或者我更想存钱去意大利？让你的目标看得见、摸得着，这样会更有效。找找代表你的各种理想目标的图片，把他们放在钱包或者手袋里。我是个意大利迷，我在桌面上摆了一张五渔村的照片。

    看得见的东西很管用，因为这样你就更有可能实现一次持久的改变，前提是专注在新的行动上的积极因素（旅行经费里多余的款项）.而不是专注在可能看起来像是你做出了什么重大牺牲的因素上（比如，这会儿不买这双鞋的话，我就活不了了）.

    如果你还是没法做出决定的话，请写下最最紧要的事，以及你在哪儿见到这个东西的，还有它的价格。告诉自己你永远都可以回来，再买下它，因为你已经把所有信息都写下来了。放上一天两天，看看自己有什么感觉。

    很多时候，那个急于想买某个很重要的东西的想法就消失了。如果还是不行的话，可能确实你需要这个东西。只有你自己才能决定什么东西对你有用。

    自由度

    我仍然会有冲动消费的欲望。或许商品正在销售，或许我认为再晚点就没有了，再或许我觉得买这个东西很划算。听着很糟糕，是吧？经过所有这些心理活动之后，我难道还不摆脱这种无意识消费吗？难道我还是没什么改变吗？

    改变的是我的自我意识。现在我能感觉到那个买东西的渴望了，也能认识到它就在那里，我让自我意识在我行动之前作出阻拦动作。这里面就是自由之所在。我不再对刺激条件反射了；我有意识地选择行动；我根据自己的目标来选择是或者不是。那份自由度比我在商店里买到的任何东西都来得大些。

    那么你呢？如果你正在无意识消费的漩涡里挣扎，你知道这其中的原因吗？你克服它了吗（如果你克服了，那么你是如何克服的呢）?你有哪些让你感到"流动"的活动呢？

    J.D.留言：我个人认为这篇文章非常非常好。我能跟April的很多情感和思考过程产生认同感。"完美主义者太折磨人了，"她是这样写的，我希望写这句话的人是我。