There’s no denying that our friends have a tremendous impact on our lives. Good friends make the good times even better, and the bad times more bearable. We learn and grow by sharing our thoughts and experiences with them. You could say that a life without friends is no life at all.

And yet, our need for friendship also creates a big risk. By befriending the wrong people, we invite chaos and confusion into our lives, possibly derailing our personal growth. Remember that you need to choose your friends carefully, allowing the good people into your inner circle while keeping your distance from those who would be harmful. Here are some important traits to look for in a good friend.

They’re generally positive.

While everyone has their ups and downs, a good friend will be positive most of the time. You really don’t want a “project,” someone who’s going to suck all the life force out of you with their constant negativity. Friends should benefit from being with each other, and let their positivity rub off on each other.

Life is short, and you don’t have time to save everyone from negativity while dragging yourself down in the process. And this goes both ways. In order to be a good friend, you need to be positive as well. Both of you should make the other feel better about themselves and life in general.

They don’t try too hard to change you.

You can’t change people who don’t want to change. People are different, and we have to just accept that. While we naturally want to share our views and hobbies with other people, it doesn’t make sense to force people to change. So don’t adamantly tell someone that they have to be a vegetarian, or they have to eat meat, or they have to read more books, or they have to stop reading books, or anything else like that.

You can always invite people to try something new, but you don’t want to try to control them. Be friends with someone because of who they are now, not because of who you want them to be.

They give more than they take.

Do you ever get the feeling that someone only seems to be interested in you when you’re throwing a party, or when they need someone to help them move? That might be a sign that they take more than they give. It’s just not healthy to become friends with someone because you want to cash in on what they have to offer you, or vice versa.

A friendship should be mutually beneficial, with each of you offering help, support, and encouragement because you want to, without having ulterior motives. Any fringe benefits like getting invited to the best parties should be secondary to that.

They’re tolerant of your beliefs.

No one we meet is ever going to be exactly like us, and so disagreements are bound to happen. This is perfectly normal, and it makes life interesting. But if you happen to disagree on your deeply held beliefs, for example religion and politics, that can potentially be a problem.

Religious differences have caused many bitter arguments (not to mention wars). Political differences have caused great rifts between people who otherwise got along perfectly. But this doesn’t need to happen. Good friends can accept that one is Catholic and the other is an atheist, or that one is voting for McCain and the other is voting for Obama. There may be some debates, sometimes even heated ones, but at the end of the day, a good friend isn’t going to turn their back on you because of your beliefs. (Well, at least non-fanatical beliefs!)

Final thoughts

It’s great to be friendly, and to openly welcome new people into your life. But don’t set the bar so low as to befriend people who will do more harm than good. It’s OK to turn away from people who want to be more like a parasite than a human being. Resolve to be a good friend to others, and to expect the same in return.

无可否认，我们的朋友对我们的生活产生了巨大影响。好朋友使快乐时光更加美好，使不快的时光变得可以忍受。我们在学习和成长中分享各自的想法和经验。可以说，没有朋友的生活就不能叫生活。

然而，我们对友谊的需要也造成很大的风险。由于交了不良朋友，我们为自己的生活增加了混乱与迷惑，并可能改变我们的个人成长轨迹。请记住，您需要仔细选择您的朋友，使好人成为您的核心朋友，同时使您远离那些有害的人。以下是一个好朋友的一些重要特征。

他们通常是积极的

每个人都有他们的沉浮，但一个好朋友大部分时间中是积极的。你真的不会想要一个“负担” ，有人会用他的长期的消极吮干你生命所有的力量。朋友应相互受益于对方，并让他们的积极性去互相安慰对方。

人生苦短，你没有足够的时间把每个人从消极中拯救出来，同时从中也拖累了自己。这也是双向的，为了做好朋友，你也要积极。大体上朋友都应该让对方感到自我和生活更好。

他们不会非要勉强你改变自己

你不能改变不想改变的人。人是不同的，我们必须接受。虽然我们天生都希望与他人分享我们的看法和爱好，这也不是说我们可以强迫别人改变。所以不要生硬的告诉别人，他们必须是素食主义者，或者他们必须吃肉，或者他们必须读更多的书，或者他们必须停止看书，或其他任何类似的东西。

您随时都可以邀请其他人尝试新事物，但你不要想着试图控制他们。成为朋友是因为你喜欢现在的他们，而不是想要他们成为某人。

他们付出的比索取的多

你是否曾经有这样的感觉，有人似乎只在你举办晚会的时候对你有兴趣，或者当他们需要有人来帮助他们搬迁的时候？这也许是他们索取多于给予的一个迹象。因为要利用别人的给予才与其交朋友，这是不道德的，别人这样对你也是一样。

友谊应该是互惠互利的，每个人都自愿提供帮助，支持和鼓励，而不要别有用心。而任何象被邀请参加最好的晚会一类的福利应放在其次。

他们能宽容对待你的信念

我们遇到的任何人都不会跟我们完全一样，所以分歧必然会发生。这是完全正常的，并为生活添加趣味。但是，如果你碰巧由于自己根深蒂固的信仰，如宗教和政治，而与别人意见不一，这可能会是一个问题。

宗教上的差异造成了许多苦涩的争论（更不用说战争了）。政治上的分歧造成了人民之间巨大的裂痕，其实否则能相处很好。但是，这并不需要在朋友间发生。好的朋友可以接受一个是天主教徒而另一个是一个无神论者，或者一个给麦凯恩投票另一个是为奥巴马投票。可能两人有一些争论，有时甚至是激烈的，但在一天结束的时候，一个好朋友是不会因为你的信仰而不理你。 （嗯，你的信仰只要不是盲目的信仰！ ）

最后的想法

对人友好，广交朋友，这些都很好。但是，不要门槛太低，以至于交到一些对你弊大于利的朋友。要拒绝更像一个寄生虫而不像一个人的人。下决心做他人的好朋友，并会有同样的回报。