True contentment, for many, might seem like an impossible dream, yet it is not so difficult to find. With a little honesty and effort we can all learn to live contented lives and so open our eyes to life's true possibilities.
"Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty." Socrates

I suppose the second most asked question in this life - behind "Why am I here?" - is, "How do I find happiness?". The pursuit of happiness is what we are all engaged in each and every day, even if we don't think we are. Yet happiness blows hot and cold and is a very dependent and fickle creature. The blunt fact is that we can't all be happy all of the time so any pursuit of happiness will always, ultimately, prove frustrating. What we should be asking ourselves instead is, "How do I find contentment?"; because, unlike happiness, contentment is something that CAN last, something that CAN be enjoyed all of the time.

We should see contentment as the solid foundation upon which happiness can most easily express itself. Yet contented people are not dependent on happiness for their satisfaction: happiness will arise now and again, and when it does it can be savoured and cherished, but in moments of struggle and strife, when happiness if far away, the contented person can still cope perfectly well and still derive satisfaction from whatever it is they do.

Contentment is about gladly accepting the reality of ourselves and our lives, and using that reality as a springboard to explore the innumerable possibilities available to us, possibilities that we normally fail to see due to being blinded and beguiled by those deeply-ingrained habits of fantasizing and pointless wishing that so motivate and direct our lives. The truly contented person, far from cutting themselves off from the high peaks of emotion and sensation that so attract most of us, is someone who finds true happiness and true fulfilment by finding what it is that is truly real. The truly contented person is like the moth who learns to fly away from the flame and in so doing, away from the dazzle and the glare, finds that the chains that bind it are of its own imagining. The truly contented person finds freedom.

The first step, therefore, is to ground ourselves and take a long hard look around. We can only see clearly when our emotional blinkers are removed so be sure that when you open your eyes you are calm, and prepared to see things as they are and not as you want them to be. This isn't easy.

"True contentment is a thing as active as agriculture. It is the power of getting out of any situation all that there is in it. It is arduous and it is rare." G. K. Chesterton

Get real
To be content we must identify what we have to work with and concentrate on that and that alone; we must find out who we are and what we are. Take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Perhaps you hate what you see. But whatever you feel about yourself, that is you staring back and will continue to be you until the end of your days. We must learn to accept ourselves for what we are and not waste time wishing we were someone else.

Contentment only comes when we get rid of the filters through which we view ourselves and the world around us, filters that we have slowly created throughout our lives. They always dictate what we should think about ourselves yet there is no reason why we shouldn't throw them off and begin to see ourselves afresh and resolve to be the masters of our own destiny and not slaves to fashion and social convention. Don't let others tell you who you are, what you are and how you should think about yourself. Find the real you and show that to the world, and with confidence. Only then can you begin to find contentment.

Who is the real you?
The real you is that part of yourself that is always there deep down but that is normally bullied into submission by all those thugs employed by our ego to spread discord wherever they go. These thugs are the fantasies and delusions, great and small, weak and powerful, that force us into making many of our everyday decisions. They inhabit that maelstrom of emotion that hangs over our heads like a dark cloud and that can blind us to good sense. They persuade us to make foolish choices and pursue lost causes; above all, they make us slaves to our emotions and cause us pain, hurt and disappointment. They are the enemies of contentment and must be overcome before we can ever hope to enjoy a peaceful life.

How do we overcome them?
We must recognise that part of ourselves that can steer us on a steady and true course and we must use willpower to fuel it. It can be a difficult task to peel away the layers of our emotional impulses because they are very persuasive and have had a lifetime to work on us - they are powerful and we are weak - but we simply must hack a way through them to the light beyond if we are to make any progress towards reality and the contentment that is its fruit. That's where willpower comes in. We must be ruthless with ourselves.

We must cut to the quick when making any decision: Is this really good for me? Is this realistic? How will others be affected? Most of our actions are motivated to some degree by those impulses mentioned above. They lust for satisfaction and egg us on again and again: Go on... you know you want to! And on we go and disappointment follows in our wake. Anyone who has tried to give up smoking or lose some weight will know how persuasive those impulses can be. But they can be overcome.

Show me a practical way of overcoming them
Simple self-reflection is the best way to start. Set aside a part of each day for this. It doesn't have to be for long; fifteen minutes or so is adequate to begin with. Sit quietly, close your eyes and simply observe your thought processes in a detached way. See yourself as an outside observer, curious-but-unaffected.

You will quickly notice how pointless most of your thoughts are. Your head is full of a noisy cacophony of thoughts that have little or no bearing on anything much at all: what you will have for dinner; something your friend said that upset you; how you are going to pay that electricity bill; how much you are looking forward to that party at the weekend. This constant play of cause and effect boils into an emotional storm and you are at once hungry, angry, anxious and delighted... and all in a matter of minutes. You are like chaff in the wind and your actions and decisions will consequently be as shaky as the emotions that order them.

Once you've familiarised yourself with the lie of the land you can take something concrete into your reflective period and learn to concentrate on that alone, and in doing so lessen the power of all those errant impulses that lead us astray. How about that bill that's causing anxiety? Think on it, and do so calmly and without emotion (if you can). How much is it? Can you afford it? Should you pay it all or in instalments? If you can't afford it then what is to be done? Will the company allow you more time?

Above all, don't panic. Those emotional impulses may be banging at the door to be let in, ever eager to help, but don't let them. Stay calm and focused on the matter at hand, and after a while you will begin to see options and you will begin to recognize what realistic decisions you must take. The fog of impulse will begin to lift. You will also recognize that in taking those decisions you are freeing yourself from the consequences of rash actions that cause you (and others) so much pain.

The more we direct our lives in this calm dispassionate way the more contented we find ourselves becoming whatever the circumstances are that we find ourselves in. We find inner strength and our lives develop clarity. This calm, focused and measured decision-maker is the real you. The impulses that so plagued you will soon fall away to nothing when you learn to disregard them and deny them their power.

Think of others
Selfish people are unhappy people. Learn to think of others as much as you think of yourself and learn to do as much for others as you do for yourself. You don't need to become a saint or devote all your time to selfless actions, but the person who is happy to help others is someone who looks outwards and not inwards; they broaden their horizons and their view of the world increases in scope and in maturity. In short, they see more connections and recognize more possibilities. They see that humans don't exist in isolation but are part of a greater whole, a whole that is fuelled by innumerable causes and effects. The more you give to the world the more the world will give in return. That is a clichéd statement but a true one nevertheless.

Just don't look for payoffs and favours when you give of yourself to others. Do good for the sake of doing good. True contentment comes from true selflessness. It's fun to be kind. It makes us feel good and it makes those around us feel good too. But do what you do for the sake of others and not for the sake of your own ego. If you are prepared to be a true friend or to give help to those who need it then the satisfaction that that brings, together with the goodwill that comes your way, is the greatest payment. Doing good for others is doing good for yourself.

Accept difference
They do say that hell is other people. Nothing makes us more angry than our fellow man or woman. Other people are stupid, misguided, intolerant, unfair, unreasonable.... the list goes on. Life would be so much easier if other people could just come to their senses and be like us and think like us. We are, after all, right. At least, we think we are.

Perhaps our moments of self-reflection might begin to teach us something. We can be as motivated by irrational impulses as our colleagues, and as likely to think stupid things and say stupid things as they are. None of us is wholly wise. If we can learn to disengage ourselves from those impulses then we might begin to see how others are equally beholden to them. In recognizing this we can begin to both empathise with our opponents and better understand ourselves. This means less conflict and less desire to provoke conflict in order to satisfy our emotions and our ego. Also, when the burden of forever having to be at odds with those who are at odds with us is lifted then contentment remains.

"Happy the man who can endure the highest and the lowest fortune. He, who has endured such vicissitudes with equanimity, has deprived misfortune of its power." Seneca

In summary
Contentment is a state of mind. It isn't a fleeting emotion that is dependent on good luck, money, beauty or style. It is simply a way of looking at the world. We can all learn to be content because we can all learn to look at the world in such a way as to see it unencumbered by the packaging with which we ourselves wrap it. The fog of emotion that engulfs most of us most of the time can bring us delight as well as despair, love as well as hate, but whatever it is we feel we are still engulfed and still unable to see clearly. We are still blind.

Yet most of us are addicted to the emotional rollercoaster-ride of living. We just can't get enough of it. However, the peaks and troughs of an emotional rollercoaster-ride might be exciting for a while but sooner or later we begin to feel sick and we need to get off. It's when we stand solidly on Terra Firma that our head stops spinning and all around begins to sharpen into focus. Such are the moments of contentment. It's when we look back upon the rollercoaster and hear the screaming and the shrieking of the people as they rise and plunge hysterically, completely at the mercy of others, that we might just think that Dante might just have had a point.