I am 28 now. I don’t think about the past or regret things much these days.

But sometimes I wish that I had known some of things I have learned over the last few years a bit earlier. That perhaps there had been a self-improvement class in school. And in some ways there probably was.

Because some of these 16 things in this article a teacher probably spoke about in class. But I forgot about them or didn’t pay attention.

Some of it would probably not have stuck in my mind anyway. Or just been too far outside my reality at the time for me to accept and use.

But I still think that taking a few hours from all those German language classes and use them for some personal development classes would have been a good idea. Perhaps for just an hour a week in high school. It would probably be useful for many students and on a larger scale quite helpful for society in general.

So here are 16 things I wish they had taught me in school (or I just would like to have known about earlier).

1. The 80/20 rule.

This is one of the best ways to make better use of your time. The 80/20 rule – also known as The Pareto Principle – basically says that 80 percent of the value you will receive will come from 20 percent of your activities.

So a lot of what you do is probably not as useful or even necessary to do as you may think.

You can just drop – or vastly decrease the time you spend on – a whole bunch of things.

And if you do that you will have more time and energy to spend on those things that really brings your value, happiness, fulfilment and so on.

2. Parkinson’s Law.

You can do things quicker than you think. This law says that a task will expand in time and seeming complexity depending on the time you set aside for it. For instance, if you say to yourself that you’ll come up with a solution within a week then the problem will seem to grow more difficult and you’ll spend more and more time trying to come up with a solution.

So focus your time on finding solutions. Then just give yourself an hour (instead of the whole day) or the day (instead of the whole week) to solve the problem. This will force your mind to focus on solutions and action.

The result may not be exactly as perfect as if you had spent a week on the task, but as mentioned in the previous point, 80 percent of the value will come from 20 percent of the activities anyway. Or you may wind up with a better result because you haven’t overcomplicated or overpolished things. This will help you to get things done faster, to improve your ability to focus and give you more free time where you can totally focus on what’s in front of you instead of having some looming task creating stress in the back of your mind.

3. Batching.

Boring or routine tasks can create a lot of procrastination and low-level anxiety. One good way to get these things done quickly is to batch them. This means that you do them all in row. You will be able to do them quicker because there is less “start-up time” compared to if you spread them out. And when you are batching you become fully engaged in the tasks and more focused.

A batch of things to do in an hour today may look like this: Clean your desk / answer today’s emails / do the dishes / make three calls / write a grocery shopping list for tomorrow.

4. First, give value. Then, get value. Not the other way around.

This is a bit of a counter-intuitive thing. There is often an idea that someone should give us something or do something for us before we give back. The problem is just that a lot of people think that way. And so far less than possible is given either way.

If you want to increase the value you receive (money, love, kindness, opportunities etc.) you have to increase the value you give. Because over time you pretty much get what you give. It would perhaps be nice to get something for nothing. But that seldom happens.

5. Be proactive. Not reactive.

This one ties into the last point. If everyone is reactive then very little will get done. You could sit and wait and hope for someone else to do something. And that happens pretty often, but it can take a lot of time before it happens.

A more useful and beneficial way is to be proactive, to simply be the one to take the first practical action and get the ball rolling. This not only saves you a lot of waiting, but is also more pleasurable since you feel like you have the power over your life. Instead of feeling like you are run by a bunch of random outside forces.

6. Mistakes and failures are good.

When you are young you just try things and fail until you learn. As you grow a bit older, you learn from - for example - school to not make mistakes. And you try less and less things.

This may cause you to stop being proactive and to fall into a habit of being reactive, of waiting for someone else to do something. I mean, what if you actually tried something and failed? Perhaps people would laugh at you?

Perhaps they would. But when you experience that you soon realize that it is seldom the end of the world. And a lot of the time people don’t care that much. They have their own challenges and lives to worry about.

And success in life often comes from not giving up despite mistakes and failure. It comes from being persistent.

When you first learn to ride your bike you may fall over and over. Bruise a knee and cry a bit. But you get up, brush yourself off and get on the saddle again. And eventually you learn how to ride a bike. If you can just reconnect to your 5 year old self and do things that way - instead of giving up after a try/failure or two as grown-ups often do – you would probably experience a lot more interesting things, learn valuable lessons and have quite a bit more success.

7. Don’t beat yourself up.

Why do people give up after just few mistakes or failures? Well, I think one big reason is because they beat themselves up way too much. But it’s a kinda pointless habit. It only creates additional and unnecessary pain inside you and wastes your precious time. It’s best to try to drop this habit as much as you can.

8. Assume rapport.

Meeting new people is fun. But it can also induce nervousness. We all want to make a good first impression and not get stuck in an awkward conversation.

The best way to do this that I have found so far is to assume rapport. This means that you simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends. Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.

This works surprisingly well. You can read more about it in How to Have Less Awkward Conversations: Assuming Rapport.

9. Use your reticular activation system to your advantage.

I learned about the organs and the inner workings of the body in class but nobody told me about the reticular activation system. And that’s a shame, because this is one of the most powerful things you can learn about. What this focus system, this R.A.S, in your mind does is to allow you to see in your surroundings what you focus your thoughts on. It pretty much always helps you to find what you are looking for.

So you really need to focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. And keep that focus steady.

Setting goals and reviewing them frequently is one way to keep your focus on what’s important and to help you take action that will move your closer to toward where you want to go. Another way is just to use external reminders such as pieces of paper where you can, for instance, write down a few things from this post like “Give value” or “Assume rapport”. And then you can put those pieces of paper on your fridge, bathroom mirror etc.

10. Your attitude changes your reality.

We have all heard that you should keep a positive attitude or perhaps that “you need to change your attitude!”. That is a nice piece of advice I suppose, but without any more reasons to do it is very easy to just brush such suggestions off and continue using your old attitude.

But the thing that I’ve discovered the last few years is that if you change your attitude, you actually change your reality. When you for instance use a positive attitude instead of a negative one you start to see things and viewpoints that were invisible to you before. You may think to yourself “why haven’t I thought about things this way before?”.

When you change you attitude you change what you focus on. And all things in your world can now be seen in a different light.

This is of course very similar to the previous tip but I wanted to give this one some space. Because changing your attitude can create an insane change in your world. It might not look like it if you just think about it though. Pessimism might seem like realism. But that is mostly because your R.A.S is tuned into seeing all the negative things you want to see. And that makes you “right” a lot of the time. And perhaps that is what you want. On the other hand, there are more fun things than being right all the time.

If you try changing your attitude for real – instead of analysing such a concept in your mind - you’ll be surprised.

You may want to read more about this topic in Take the Positivity Challenge!

11. Gratitude is a simple way to make yourself feel happy.

Sure, I was probably told that I should be grateful. Perhaps because it was the right thing to do or just something I should do. But if someone had said that feeling grateful about things for minute or two is a great way to turn a negative mood into a happy one I would probably have practised gratitude more. It is also a good tool for keeping your attitude up and focusing on the right things. And to make other people happy. Which tends to make you even happier, since emotions are contagious.

12. Don’t compare yourself to others.

The ego wants to compare. It wants to find reasons for you to feel good about yourself (“I’ve got a new bike!”). But by doing that it also becomes very hard to not compare yourself to others who have more than you (“Oh no, Bill has bought an even nicer bike!”). And so you don’t feel so good about yourself once again. If you compare yourself to others you let the world around control how you feel about yourself. It always becomes a rollercoaster of emotions.

A more useful way is to compare yourself to yourself. To look at how far you have come, what you have accomplished and how you have grown. It may not sound like that much fun but in the long run it brings a lot more inner stillness, personal power and positive feelings.

13. 80-90% of what you fear will happen never really come into reality.

This is a big one. Most things you fear will happen never happen. They are just monsters in your own mind. And if they happen then they will most often not be as painful or bad as you expected. Worrying is most often just a waste of time.

This is of course easy to say. But if you remind yourself of how little of what you feared throughout your life that has actually happened you can start to release more and more of that worry from your thoughts.

14. Don’t take things too seriously.

It’s very easy to get wrapped up in things. But most of the things you worry about never come into reality. And what may seem like a big problem right now you may not even remember in three years.

Taking yourself, your thoughts and your emotions too seriously often just seems to lead to more unnecessary suffering. So relax a little more and lighten up a bit. It can do wonders for your mood and as an extension of that; your life.

15. Write everything down.

If your memory is anything like mine then it’s like a leaking bucket. Many of your good or great ideas may be lost forever if you don’t make a habit of writing things down. This is also a good way to keep your focus on what you want. Read more about it in Why You Should Write Things Down.

16. There are opportunities in just about every experience.

In pretty much any experience there are always things that you can learn from it and things within the experience that can help you to grow. Negative experiences, mistakes and failure can sometimes be even better than a success because it teaches you something totally new, something that another success could never teach you.

Whenever you have a “negative experience” ask yourself: where is the opportunity in this? What is good about this situation? One negative experience can – with time – help you create many very positive experiences.

What do you wish someone had told you in school or you had just learned earlier in life?

  我28岁了。我并不怀念过去或者后悔什么。

但是有时我希望我能够更早一点学会那些我通过这些年才学到的东西。可能在学校有很多自修课。从另一个角度来说也确实是这样的。

因为本文中这16件事情中的一些，老师可能在课堂上讲过。但是我忘了，或者根本就没有注意。

有些事情可能根本没有在我心中留下印象。或者是超出了实际情况在那个阶段让我去接受和应用。

但是我仍然认为从那些诸如德语课上抽出几小时用于个人发展课会是一个好主意。可能每周仅仅占用中学里的一个小时。这可能对于很多学生来说非常有用，并且对于一般的社会具有更大范围的帮助。

所以这里有16件事情我希望我能在学校里就能学到（甚至我只希望能更早一点的了解）

1.80、20规则

这是是一个更好利用你的时间的好方法之一。80/20规则-也被称为柏拉图原则-基本上来说你的80%的收获是来自于你20%的行动。

所以你做的大部分事情或许根本就不如你想的那么有用甚至是根本就不需要。

你可以放弃一大部分的事情。-或者至少大量减少你花费在这上面的时间。

如果你这样做你将拥有更多的时间和精力放在能够给你带来价值，快乐，成就等等的事情上。

2.帕金森定律

你能够比你想象中的要更快的做事情。这条定律说的是一个任务将按时展开并且它看起来的复杂度取决于你为他预留的时间。举个例子，如果你给你自己一周的时间拿出解决方案，那么这个问题就会看起来变得更困难，而使你花费更多的时间去试图拿出一个解决方案。

所以把你的时间放在寻找解决方案上。然后仅给你自己一个小时（或者一整天）或者一整天（或者一整个星期）去解决这个问题。这将迫使你集中思想在解决方案和行动上。

结局也许没有你为之花费一周的时间去完成任务所做的那么完美，但是就像前一个提出的观点，无论如何80%的价值来自于20%的创造。或者你或许最终能获得一个更好的结果因为你不用做超复杂的或者超精细的事情。这能够帮助你快速完成事情，改善你专注的能力，并且能使你拥有更多自由的时间在那些你面前需产生的压力。要解决，而又能够完全专注处理的事情上，取代你心深处对于迫在眉睫的事情所产生的压力。

3.批量处理

枯燥及规条性的任务造成很多的拖延和低层次的焦虑。一个能使这些事情处理的快起来的好方法是批量处理他们。这意味着你将按部就班的处理他们。相对于你把他们分别来做，你可以做到更快是因为不需要“启动时间”。并且当你批量处理时你会变得充分参与还有重点更突出。

今天在一个小时里的要做的一批事情就像是这样：清理你的桌子/回复今天的邮件/洗餐具/打三个电话/写明天去食品店的购物清单

4.首先，付出，然后，收获，没有第二条路。

这是一个有点反直觉的事情。一般的观念是有些人应该先给我们一些东西或者为我们做一些事情，然后我们再回馈。问题是大多数人都这么想。而且远远低于可能的是真的能够通过这些方法付出。

如果你想要增加你所获得的价值（金钱，爱情，善良，机遇等等）你必须增加你付出的价值。因为久而久之你所付出的都会有所收获。甚至可能很棒的是你将获得不曾拥有的。但是这很少发生。

5.主动去做，不要被动去做

这一点和最后一点是有联系的。如果所有的人都被动，那么几乎就没有什么能做了。你可能会坐下等待，然后希望别人去做些什么。这些事经常发生，但是他发生前却浪费了大量的时间。

一种很有用的并且有意的方法就是积极主动，仅仅是一个简单的最初的实际行动让球滚动起来。这不仅仅节省了你很多等待的时间，而且他同样使你愉快，当你感觉到你的生命里充满了力量的时候。而不是感觉你被一堆随机的外部事物驱使着。

5.错误和失败是好事

当你年轻的时候，你尝试很多事情，失败直到你学会一些事情。当你长的大一点后，你从-比如-学校里去学习如何不犯错。然后你越来越少的尝试新事物。

这导致你变得不再积极主动，并且沉溺于被动的习惯，等待别人去做些什么。我的意思是，如果你真正尝试过什么事情并且失败了吗？可能别人会嘲笑你吗？

也许他们会。但是当你经历了这些你很快会意识到这不是世界末日。而且更多的时候人们根本就不在乎这么多。他们有他们自己的挑战和生活去操心呢。

并且生活中的成功往往来自于尽管犯错和失败却不放弃。成功源于坚持。

当你第一次学习骑自行车时你可能摔倒一次又一次。摔破膝盖还哭泣。但是你站起来，振作精神，再一次骑上去。最终你学会了骑自行车。如果你能够仅仅找到你5岁时候的自己，而且像那样做事情-而不是尝试或者失败或者类似的你常做的行为之后就轻易放弃的习惯-你完全可能经历很多有趣的事情，学习到有价值的课程并且获得更多的成功。

7。不要自己打击自己

为什么人们总是在小小的错误或失败之后就放弃？当然，我想一个很大的原因是他们打击自己的太多了。但是这是一种没有意义的习惯。这只会增加你内心中多余的也是没有必要的痛苦，而且浪费你宝贵的时间。最好尽可能的改掉这个习惯。

8.设想融洽关系

见到新人是有趣的。但是也同样会让人紧张。我们都希望给人留下好的第一印象而且不要陷入一种尴尬的谈话中。

我长久以来所发现的最好的方法是设想融洽关系。就是说你仅仅需要假装是和你最好的朋友见面。然后你就能影响你的心境取代原来紧张的感觉。

这个方法出奇的有效。你可以在《如何减少尴尬对话》一文里了解到更多。

9.激活你的优势网

我在课堂上学会了身体的内部和器官的工作，但是没有人告诉我关于网络激活系统。这是耻辱，因为这是你能够学到的最有力的东西。这个所关注的系统，既R。A。S系统，在你内心中运转，使你关注你周围的你思考的东西。这通常帮助你找到你寻找的东西。

所以你真正需要关注的是你想要的东西，不是你根本不想要的东西，然后保持持续专注。

设定一个目标并且常常回顾它是一种方法，让你保持专注于那些重要的事情，并且帮助你向着你的目标靠近而行动。另一种方法就是使用外部提醒就像在你能贴的地方贴小纸条，举个例子，在贴纸上写下一些事情例如“付出”或者“假设好朋友”。然后你可以把这些纸条贴在你的冰箱上，浴室的镜子上等等。

10.你的态度改变你的现实状态

我们都听过我们需要保持积极的态度，或者“你需要改变你的态度”。这是我提供的一个很好的建议，但是如果没有更多的理由去做就非常容易把建议放到一边，并且继续自己的旧态度。

但是近几年我发现如果你改变了你的态度，你就真正的改变了你的现状。当你比方说使用积极的态度替代消极的态度，你就开始能够看到以前不能体会和发现的事务以及观点。你可能会想“为什么我以前没有这么想？”。

当你改变了你的态度你就改变了你关注的东西。你世界里的所有事物现在都可以用不同的方式去看待。

这确实和前面的点非常类似，但是我仍然想要专门拿出来说。因为改变你的态度可以给你的世界带来疯狂的变化。不过如果你只是随便想想就不是这样了。悲观主义可能看起来非常像现实注意。但是更重要的原因是你的R.A.S能连带出所有的你想看到的负面因素。这就使得你大部分时间都“偏右”。也可能这就是你希望的。另一方面，有很多事情比所有时间都“偏右”有趣。

如果你试图真正改变你的态度-而不是在分析你心中的概念-你将得到惊喜。

你也许愿意了解更多关于《迎接积极的挑战》

11.感激是一个让你感到高兴的简单方法

当然，我可能说过我应该感激。可能因为这是正确的事情或者仅仅是一些我需要做的事情。但是如果有人曾经说过心存感激1，2分钟是一个让消极情绪变得开心起来的好办法，我可能会更多的尝试感恩。这也是一个好让你保持态度并且关注正确事情的好方法。还能使其他人感到开心。也会使得你更开心，因为情绪是相互传染的。

12.不要和别人攀比

本能喜欢比较。会希望为自己找到一些理由让自己感到快乐（我买了一辆新自行车）。但是当这么做时，又很难不去和那些拥有比你多的人比较（“oh，不，比尔买了一辆更漂亮的自行车”）。然后你又一次感觉不那么好了。如果你拿自己和别人比较，你就使得世界只围绕着“你觉得自己怎么样”所控制。这就往往变成了情绪的过山车。

一个更有用的方法是自己和自己比。看看自己走了多远，自己完成了什么，自己如何成长。这听起来没有那么有意思但是从长久开看这能来带很多的内心沉静，个人力量和积极的感觉。

13.80-90%你害怕的事情根本就不存在

这是很重要的一点。很多你担心的事情从来都不会发生。他们仅仅是是你内心的心魔。如果他们真的发生了，他们也并不如你所想的那样痛苦和糟糕。担心常常只是浪费时间。

这确实说起来容易。但是如果你提醒你自己，在你人生中你所担心的事情真正发生是非常少的，你就能慢慢放下你思想中的很多担心了。

14.不要把事看得太严重。

沉溺在一件事里很容易。但是你担心的大部分事情都不会实际发生。而且你现在看起来非常大的一个困难，三年后你甚至都不记得它了。

让你自己，你的思想和你的情绪太紧张常常只会带来不必要的痛苦。所以放松一点，阳光一点。这样对你的心情有奇妙的效果，也同样有效果于你其他的东西，你的生活。

15.写下所有的东西

如果你的记忆和我差不多那它就像个漏水的桶。如果你没有养成好习惯记录下来，你很多好的或者很棒的主意就有可能永远失去了。这也同样是一个好方法让你关注与你所想要的东西。了解更多《为什么你应该把事情写下来》。

16.任何的经历都蕴含机遇

在非常多的经历中都包含些什么，你可以从中学到东西，这些东西可以帮助你成长。不好的经验，错误，失败有的时候甚至比那些成功的还有价值，因为这教会了你一些完全新鲜的东西，一些成功所没法教你的事情。

无论何时你遇到了不好的经历告诉你自己：这里的机遇是什么？这种情况的好处在哪里？一个负面的经历可以-借助时间的推移-帮助你创造很多有益的经验。

你希望有人能够在学校里就告诉你这些事情或者至少能够跟早些的学到这些吗？