We'll say it straight up: There's no good reason in the world to hang onto these habits. They aren't helping.

    1. Nagging, nagging, nagging. We know about the squeaky wheel, but complaining loud and long gets you only short-term gains and builds up powerful discontent on your spouse's side.

    2. Blaming, criticizing, and name-calling. These tactics belittle the person you promised to love, honor, and cherish; let you play angel to his or her devil; and don't address the responsibility you both share for your marital happiness.

    3. Bullying, rudeness, and selfishness. These ugly power plays tell your partner that he or she doesn't count at all in your eyes.

    4. Peacekeeping and passive placating. A "whatever you say, Dear" attitude may keep your home quieter but leaves you in the martyr's role. You'll end up angry, defensive, and a drudge. What fun is that?

    5. Deploying logic all the time. Life isn't the starship Enterprise; playing the dispassionate Mr. Spock not only cuts you off from your feelings but also subtly tells your spouse that his or her feelings don't count either.

    6. Throwing up distractions. You're just having fun, right? Think again. Being hyperactive, fooling around all the time, and refusing to focus -- in conversation or in life -- often is an attempt to avoid intimacy or difficult issues, which can be horribly frustrating for your mate.

    7. Stonewalling. Another stall maneuver, stonewalling stops arguments and constructive discussions cold. Not much can happen when one spouse just won't talk about it.

    8. Making unilateral decisions about the big things. Sometimes you have to pick the bathroom paint color on your own. But if you're making major decisions about your money, your time, your kids, and your family life, you're acting without accountability and cutting off the possibility of joint decision-making and deeper intimacy.
    
    实话实说：不要养成下列习惯，它们对婚姻没有丝毫帮助。

    1. 喋喋不休。会吵的小孩有糖吃。不停大声抱怨会有些眼前好处，但你的另一半却会为此对你渐生不满。 
 
    2. 责备，批评，指名道姓。这些恶习会使你承诺去爱、去尊敬、去珍惜的另一半儿感到备受轻视；对于另一半儿的错误，你应该像天使一样去对待；不要责难或问究双方应共同承担的幸福婚姻的责任和义务。 

    3. 威逼，粗俗，自私。这些丑陋的暴力行径会让你的另一半感到：他（她）在你眼里不重要。

    4. 维持和平与被动和解。“亲爱的，你说什么都行。”这种态度可能不会引起争吵，但会使你成为不幸婚姻的牺牲品。最后你还是会生气、防守、成为吃力不讨好的人。有趣吗？ 

    5. 过于理性。过日子不是经营星舰企业；像个理性的史巴克先生不仅会让你不近人情，也会微妙地向你的另一半传递出：他（她）的感情在你的心里没有份量。

    6. 三心二意。你只是想找乐子，对吗？但请三思。在谈话和生活中，如果表现得过份活跃，喜欢和周围人打闹，或者拒绝集中注意力，一般会让人感到你想逃避亲密行为或麻烦事儿，你的另一半儿也会为此产生挫败感。

    7. 拒绝交流。拒绝交流也会有碍幸福婚姻。它在使争吵停止的同时，但也会使建设性讨论停止。因为当一方拒绝交流时什么也不会发生。

    8. 对大事做单边决定。有时你需要单独决定浴室的颜色。但如果在做有关金钱、时间、孩子或家庭生活等重大决定时，单独决定就成了鲁莽行为，使得共同决定无法进行，也不利于加深夫妻间的亲密感。