Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological "tasks":

    - Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.

    - Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy.

    - Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.

    - For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby's entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.

    - Confront and master the inevitable crises of life

    - Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.

    - Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.

    - Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partnerís needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.

    - Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

    Thanks to Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD, co-author of the book The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts.

    关于"是什么在经营婚姻"的研究表明，那些拥有幸福婚姻的人们往往已经完成了这些心理"任务".

    --在感情上与你成长的家庭分开；不要到产生隔阂的地步，但要足以使你的身份独立于你的父母和兄弟姐妹。

    --在相互的亲昵和一致的基础上建立归属感，但同时也要设定一些界限来保障每一个成员的自主权。

    --建立一个丰富而又愉快的性关系，并保护其免受繁杂工作和家庭义务的干扰。

    --对于有孩子的夫妻，坦然地接受"父母"这样的严峻角色，婚姻生活也会因小宝贝的出现受到影响。作为夫妻双方，要学会继续保护自己和配偶的隐私。

    --面对和掌控生活中不可避免的危机。

    --在面对逆境时保持婚姻观系的稳定。婚姻应当是一个安全的港湾，在这里夫妻之间可以表达他们的不同观点，忿怒和冲突。

    --通过幽默和笑声来正确地看待事情，避免厌倦和孤立。

    --扶持和安慰对方，满足各自双方依恋的需求，并提供持续性的鼓励和支持。

    --随着时间的流逝，即使面对理性的现实，也要保持年轻时候一颗浪漫的心和坠入爱河时美好的理想。