For much of my adult life I've been shackled by fear. I've been afraid to try new things, afraid to meet new people, afraid of doing anything that might lead to failure. This fear confined me to a narrow comfort zone. Recently, however, I made a single small change that has helped me to overcome my fear, and allowed me to get more out of life.

    Last fall somebody at Ask Metafilter posted a question looking for books about self-confidence. One person recommended Improby Keith Johnstone. Intrigued, I borrowed it from the public library. It blew my mind. Though it's a book about stage-acting, several of the techniques it describes are applicable to everyday life.

    I was particularly struck by the need for improvisational actors to accept whatever is offered to them on stage. In order for a scene to flow, an actor must take whatever situation arises and just go with it. （Watch old episodes ofWhose Line is It Anyway to see this principle in action.） Johnstone writes:

    Once you learn to accept offers, then accidents can no longer interrupt the action. […] This attitude makes for something really amazing in the theater. The actor who will accept anything that happens seems supernatural; it's the most marvelous thing about improvisation: you are suddenly in contact with people who are unbounded, whose imagination seems to function without limit.

    […]

    These 'offer-block-accept' games have a use quite apart from actor training. People with dull lives often think that their lives are dull by chance. In reality everyone chooses more or less what kind of events will happen to them by their conscious patterns of blocking and yielding.

    That passage had a profound effect on me. I thought about it for days. "What if I did this in real life?" I wondered. "Is there a way I could adapt this to help me overcome my fear?" I began to note the things that I blocked and accepted. To my surprise, I blocked things constantly - I made excuses not to do things because I was afraid of what might happen if I accepted.

    I made a resolution. I decided that instead of saying "no" to things because I was afraid of them, I would "just say yes". That became my working motto: "Just say yes". Any time anyone asked me to do something, I agreed to do it （as long as it wasn't illegal and didn't violate my own personal code of conduct）. In the past six months, I've put this philosophy into practice in scores of little ways. But the power of "yes" has made larger changes to my life, too, has exposed me to things I never would have done before.

    · Soon after I started saying "yes", a GRS reader offered to provide free wellness coaching. My gut reaction was to say "no". But I caught my negative thinking. "Just say yes," I said to myself. So I did. Working with Lauren, my wellness coach, has been an amazingly positive experience.

    · Ramit at I Will Teach You to Be Rich asked me to contribute to his eBook. I had all kinds of reasons for saying "no" - none of them good - but I forced myself to say "yes". As a result, this site gained new readers, and I got to correspond with Ramit about how to produce a PDF book.

    · Last winter, Sally shared a guest article about eating vegetarian on the cheap. A few weeks later she wrote that she and her husband would be in town, and asked if Kris and I would like to have dinner. In the past I would have said "no" out of fear of meeting a stranger. I said yes, and I'm glad I did.

    · One of my friends works as a career counselor at a nearby university. Recently he asked me to present a talk to graduating seniors about the basics of personal finance. Normally I would refuse out of hand, but only because I am afraid. I said yes. Though the presentation fell through, the copious notes I made will serve as the basis for many future articles.

    · A close friend asked me to go see a band I'd never even heard of. On a Thursday. At midnight. This was totally outside my comfort zone, but I said yes. The experience was fantastic. We had a great conversation, and then I got to discover The Black Angels and their wall of sound.

    · I don't know anything about table tennis, but when my former soccer coach stopped by to recruit me for a local club, I agreed to join. It's been fun learning the sport, and getting re-acquainted with his family. （I was once good friends with his son.）

    These things will seem minor to the extroverts here. But for me, these were big steps. These experiences were new, and I wouldn't have had them if I hadn't forced myself to just say yes.

    Most of my experiences from my "just say yes" campaign have been positive, but not all of them. I've had some failures, too. Surprisingly, I've learned more from the bad experiences than I have from the good.

    In February, for example, a Seattle radio station asked me to do a telephone interview about retirement savings. "I'm not a retirement expert," I told the woman who contacted me, but then I realized I was making excuses. I was blocking because I was scared. "But I'll do it," I said. Ultimately my radio appearance was a disaster. I got stage-fright and became tongue-tied. But you know what? I don't care. I failed, but at least I tried. After the interview, I e-mailed the woman to apologize and to ask for advice. She was sympathetic, and gave me some great pointers. Next time somebody asks for a radio interview, I'll do better.

    For too long, fear of failure held me back. Failure itself didn't hold me back - the fear of it did. When I actually try something and fail, I generally get right back up and do it again, but better the second time. I pursue it until I succeed. But often I convince myself that I can't do something because I'm going to fail at it, so I don't even bother to try.

    Since I've learned the power of yes, I've begun to act as if I'm not afraid. Whenever I feel fear creep upon me, I act as if I'm somebody else. I act as if I'm somebody stronger and braver. Motivational speaker Brian Tracy says:

    If you want to develop courage, then simply act courageously when it's called for. If you do something over and over again, you develop a habit. Some people develop the habit of courage. Some people develop the habit of non-courage.

    Tracy recommends that any time you encounter the fear of failure, you simply tell yourself, "I can do it." Say it again and again and then do it. What's more, he says, tell others that they can do the things they're frightened of. How many times have you seen somebody excited about a new project become totally deflated when others tell them why it won't work. Don't be like that. Tell the person, "You can do it." Be supportive.

    Tracy is famous for asking the question: What would you dare to dream if you knew you wouldn't fail? This is a powerful concept. What could you do if you stopped telling yourself "no" and simply tapped into the power of yes?

    Aside from learning the power of yes, there are other ways to fight fear and develop a more courageous attitude.

    · Start small. Many people are afraid to make phone calls, or to approach a clerk in a store. Begin by practicing these little habits. A clerk in a book store answers hundreds of questions a month. There's no reason to be frightened of asking yours.

    · Try one new thing each week. It doesn't have to be big. Learn a new skill, have lunch with an acquaintance, do something for a friend. Once every week, say "yes" where you might have said "no" before.

    · Exercise mindfulness. When fear creeps into your head, name it for what it is, and let it pass by. I know this sounds new age and hokey, but it works. When somebody asks you to do something and your gut reaction is "no", pause to examine that "no" and ask yourself, "Am I saying this simply out of fear? What would happen if I said yes?"

    · Act like you're somebody else. Do you have a friend who is a great negotiator? The next time you negotiate, pretend you're this person. This is more effective than you probably think!

    · Ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that could happen?" Then ask yourself, "What is the best thing that could happen?" Most of the time when I make this comparison, the upside far outweighs the downside.

    · Recognize that failures and mistakes are not the end. Often they're the beginning. If you can pick yourself up after you do something wrong, and then learn from the experience, you'll be a better person because of it.

    Read more about conquering fear and worry:

    · The Instigator Blog offers five reasons to say yes.

    · How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie has a five-star rating on 107 reviews at Amazon, and rightly so. This is a classic book about courage in everyday life. Here's a summary. （From the author ofHow to Win Friends and Influence People.）

    · Yes Man is a book by Danny Wallace that chronicles his adventures as he says "yes" to everything for an entire year. I haven't read this, but I'd like to.

    · Impro by Keith Johnstone is a book about improvisational acting. Sharp readers will find ways to apply these techniques to everyday life, to boost self-confidence and to overcome fear of failure.

    We all have dreams, but most of us make excuses for not pursuing them. Often these excuses aren't overt. It's more a matter of inertia, of just ignoring the dreams, of maintaining the comfortable status quo. But you can break out of your comfort zone to get more out of life through the simple power of yes.

    很多时候，我的生活被各种恐惧捆绑着：怕尝试新事物；害怕见陌生人；害怕做可能失败的事情。恐惧心理把我局限在狭窄的安乐窝里动弹不得。然而，最近我做了一点小小的改变，帮我克服了恐惧，同时也让我从生活中收获了更多乐趣。

    去年秋天有人在Ask Metafilter发贴想找一本增强自信心的书。有个人给他推荐了Keith Johnstone的Impro这本书。我很感兴趣，于是从公共图书馆借了一本。随后我被这本书迷住了。虽然讲的是舞台表演，但是书中描述的一些方法在日常生活中也很实用。

    做即兴表演的演员要在舞台上接受任何拿到手的剧本，这一点让我印象非常深刻。为了让现场连贯不间断，演员必须适应各种突发的情况，顺着这个状况往下演。（请看用这个方法的一出戏"Whose line is it anyway".）Johnstone这样写道：

    一旦你学会接受任何状况，那么突发事件就不再会打扰到你的行动了。正是这种态度才成就了剧场里那些令人惊叹的表演。愿意接受任何状况的演员似乎有点不可思议；这是一种最神奇的即席创作方式：就好像突然之间和无限多的观众发生了联系，想象的空间也变得无穷大了。

    …

    这些'能不能接受各种状况'的心理游戏除了训练演员之外，还有一些跟舞台完全不同的用处。生活乏味的人总在想，生活之所以枯燥乏味完全是因为运气不佳。现实生活中每个人都或多或少地通过自己的意识模式做出选择：拒绝哪些事情发生，而又接受另一些事情发生。

    这一段话对我产生了颇深的影响。我思考了好几天。"如果我在自己的生活中用这些方法会怎样呢？"我想。"有没有能让我运用到这些方法而又战胜恐惧的方式呢？"于是，我开始记下自己拒绝和接受的各种事物。令我惊讶的是，我经常拒绝很多事情-我给自己不做某件事制造理由，就因为我害怕自己接受之后会发生什么。

    我下定决心。我决定不再因为害怕而说出拒绝二字，我决定说出"好啊".这两个字成了我的工作座右铭："好啊".无论别人让我做什么，我都答应去做。（当然是不犯法，并且不违背我的个人行为方式）.过去的六个月里，我开始把这个思想付诸实施在一些小事上面。然而"好啊"二字给我的生活带来了更大的变化，还使我做了很多从前不会做的事情。

    * 我开始学习说"好啊"不久，有个读者要求给我提供免费的身心健康教练服务。我的第一反应就是"不".但是我想到这是个消极的想法。"就说好吧，"我对自己说。于是我这么做了。结果，跟着这位健康教练Lauren一起工作出人意料的令人愉快。

    * 我要教你变富网站作者Ramit要我给他的ebook写几篇文章。我有各种拒绝的理由-当然没一个好理由-但是我强迫自己说"好啊".结果，站点得到了新读者，而我也开始跟Ramit联系，了解怎么做一本PDF书了。

    * 去年冬天，莎莉写了一篇客串博文：吃便宜蔬菜。几周后，她写信来说她和丈夫回到镇上来，问我和克丽丝是否愿意一起吃个饭。要在过去，我肯定会因为怕见生人而拒绝对方。这次我说好啊，我很高兴自己是这么说的。

    * 我有个朋友在附近大学里做职业辅导员。最近他要我给即将毕业的高年级学生讲讲个人理财的基础知识。通常情况下我会立刻拒绝的，只因为我害怕。我对他说好的。尽管最终没讲，但是我做的那些详细的演讲笔记会是我以后写文章的好素材。

    * 有个好朋友邀我去听一个我从来没听说过的乐队。时间是星期四的午夜时分。这可是完全不能接受的，但我跟朋友说好啊。结果，这次经历感觉很棒。我们聊天聊得热火朝天，后来我找了黑天使和他们的音乐来听。

    * 我对兵乓球一窍不通，可当我的前足球队教练在路上拦住我要我参加当地俱乐部的时候，我答应了。学的时候很好玩，而且和他的家人又打成了一片。（我和他儿子曾是好友。）

    这些事情对于这里的外向个性的人来说似乎算不了什么。可对我来说，这些都是自己生活中迈出的一大步。这些经历很新鲜，如果我没有强迫自己接受的话，我是永远都不会有这些体会的。

    这次对自己说"好啊"的活动大多很正面，但并不是所有的事情都感觉那么好。我也经历了失败。令我惊讶的是，我从不好的经历中学到的东西比我从感觉好的经历中学到的更多。

    比如，今年二月西雅图广播电台要对我做一个电话访谈，讲讲退休存款的事情。"我不是退休问题专家，"我对打电话给我的那位女士说，而后我意识到自己是在找理由。因为害怕所以拒绝。"不过我愿意来，"我说。最后，那次电台访问糟透了。我一上台就紧张，舌头也开始打结。可你知道吗？我不介意。这次失败了，但至少我试过了。访谈过后，我给那位女士写了道歉信，问她提提意见。她人很好，给了我几个很好的建议。下次有人邀我做电台访问的时候，我会做得更好些。

    很长时间以来，怕失败的恐惧让我在生活中退缩不前。失败本身并没有让我踌躇-是对它的恐惧让我犹豫不决的。当我确实试着做了一些事情，失败了，我通常会从原地爬起来，再做一次，但第二次就会做得好一些。我一直坚持到最后做成为止。但是我常常告诉自己有些事我做不来，因为觉得自己会做砸，所以我连试都不想试一下。

    自从了解了接受的力量之后，我开始采取行动，就像我不害怕一样。每当我感到恐惧感弥漫开的时候，我会把自己当成别人做出行动。就好像我是个更强大，更勇敢的人一样。激励演说家Brian Tracy曾说过：

    假如你想有勇气，只要在需要勇气的时候勇敢地行动就可以了。当你一遍遍做某件事的时候，你会培养一种习惯。有些人养成了勇敢的习惯，而有些人养成了畏缩的习惯。

    Tracy建议无论何时遭遇到失败的恐惧感，你都只要告诉自己，"我可以做到。"一遍遍告诉自己，然后去做。而且，他说，告诉其他人他们也可以做到自己感到害怕的事情。有多少次，你曾看到某个人原本对一个新项目欢欣鼓舞的时候，却因为有人告诉他这件事做不到的时候变得垂头丧气。不要这样做。告诉那个人，"你能做到。"支持他。

    Tracy以会问问题而着名：如果你不会失败，你敢憧憬什么样的梦想？这个想法震撼人心。如果你不再对自己说"不",而去发现"好啊"二字的力量的话，你会去做什么？

    除了学习接受之外，还有其他战胜恐惧，培养勇敢品格的方法：

    * 从小事做起。许多人害怕打电话，或走近商店里的店员。可以从小的习惯开始。书店店员每个月都回答成百上千个问题，没理由怕问他们问题。

    * 每周尝试一件新事物。不一定是很大的事情。可以学一个新技能，在没有熟人的情况下独自就餐，和朋友做点什么事情。每周一次，对你原来会说不的事情说"好啊".

    * 练习关照/察觉。当恐惧在你的周身蔓延，讲出来，然后让恐惧感过去。我知道这听起来有点做作，但的确有效。当有人问你做什么的时候，你的第一反应是拒绝，这时暂停一下，问问自己，"我这么说是否只是因为害怕？如果我说好的话会怎样呢？"

    * 把自己当成别人。你有没有很会辩论的朋友？下次你要跟人辩论的时候，可以假装自己是这个人。这可比你想象中有效多了。

    * 问自己，"最坏会怎么样呢？"然后问自己，"最好的情况会是什么样？"大多数时候我做过比较之后都发现，有利的一面大大超过不利的一面。

    * 认识到失败和错误并不是事情的结尾，通常情况下这都只是开始。当你做了错事后又振作起来，然后从中学到教训的时候，你会因此成为一个更好的人。

    我们都有梦想，但是大多数人都给自己制造了各种理由不去追寻梦想。通常情况下这些理由都不太明显。其实这更是一个惯性/惰性的问题，人们只是忽视了这些梦想，选择在生活中保持舒适的现状。然而你可以通过接受，对自己说一声"好啊".跳出安乐窝，从生活中收获更多吧。